I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
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