Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
