A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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