life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
