my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
