my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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