Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
