soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize