my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
We have started to decorate penises.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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