we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
