Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
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