$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i already hear my dad disowning me
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
