Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
