I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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