he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
