Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
