thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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