she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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