I like my sex mixed with concussions.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
