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Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
