I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
So drunk its hurt
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
