I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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