I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
