Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
you didnt know i had herpes?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
