He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize