I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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