we're chasing vodka with high fives
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
