I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
