Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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