That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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