1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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