put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
