By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
