Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
