I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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