I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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