A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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