Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
