I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i jhust puked up my retainher.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize