Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Randomize
