she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
