Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
3pm strippers are depressing
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
