someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
May the power of my ass compel you!!
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
