this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize