you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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