i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
