I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize