I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
