Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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