Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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