I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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