no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
