Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
