Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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