How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
