Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
