The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
We need to rekindle our bromance
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
