Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
