It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
