If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
