he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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