My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
