You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
