Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
