I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
