next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
