Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
