oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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