i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
