Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
