I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
