Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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