a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
