Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
