i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
