I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
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