Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
