Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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