Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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