ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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