Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
