why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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