hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
