I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
