Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
