1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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