"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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