he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
