Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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