Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
