I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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