I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
