and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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