i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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