so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
