I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
