I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
