Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
