I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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