It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
