We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
