is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
