i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
