can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
