that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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