would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
