Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
