Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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