I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
They took my balls.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
